Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The joys and pains of single parenting

The most difficult thing for me about being a single parent isn't dealing with all the hard times by my lonesome, but rather the fact that there isn't anyone there by my side with whom I can talk over the best moments of my daughter's life.

This month Anevay was voted student of the month, and today she received her report card, which was, as always, stellar. These accomplishments occurred not only because my kid has an affable countenance, but because to the core she is truly concerned about the affect she has on others and the planet. Anevay is much more mature and sweet-tempered than I was at her age, that's for sure! It makes me very happy to see how she interacts with her friends at school, and proud that she both respects and questions her teachers.

The thing is, when Anevay and I are going through a hard time, I (mostly) know how to cope... I call my parents, rely on friends as much as I can, and, even though I'm often 'going it alone' on autopilot, I don't (often) crumble under pressure. I'm tough, man.

Yeah, I'm tough...

But when things are right as rain, when Anevay is happy and I'm able to see all the beautiful ways in which she is growing up, when I can see the hand I've had in raising such a miraculous person, well, those are the times I feel the most fragile... The most lonely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't need some dude in my life. Hell, most of the time I don't want a man in my life! I'm busy trying to start a business (see my store!), complete the rewrite of my novel, and spend time with the coolest little person I know.

And yet...

(Always a yet...)

Today, as I watched Anevay take pride in her accomplishments, listened to her talk about how she wanted to become an even better dancer, and watched her write a story, something tugged at my heart... More than anything- just for a split second- I felt very sad that I didn't have a partner. Friends and family delight in hearing about Anevay's news, but today I really just wanted someone beside me who I could just sit and smile with... No words... Just someone who wanted to bask for a little while in Anevay's light.

Has anyone else had this experience?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.