Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Make it count

(Above, a Kali mandala. Kali is the Goddess of liberation and enlightenment.)

Life continues to move along. I've been so stressed lately, consumed by my job search, living in near-poverty, raising my kid, questioning everything I'm doing, just like a spoiled teenager.

Carlos' passing put things into perspective. Many of my thoughts are focused on his mother; his lovely girlfriend, Laurel; the multitude of people who loved him. The goings ons of my own life suddenly seem a whole lot lighter. I feel a certain joy when I look at Anevay, a happiness as I watch various expressions swim across the faces of my friends. I have a good, no, GREAT, life. So do you.

This morning I woke from a wonderful dream. In it, Carlos walked into my bedroom and started arguing with me. "Melissa," he said. "Where's your garden?"

"Right there," I exclaimed, pointing to the various pots littered across my room.

"But there's nothing growing. God, Melissa, you have to grow things to have a garden."

The dream went on and on, with the two of us arguing. Who didn't argue with Carlos! I don't remember what we talked about in the rest of the dream, only that I woke thinking how ridiculous and wonderful a man Carlos was, and how the last time I saw him, we had talked about his garden. When he heard that I hadn't planted anything in my room this year (last year was a little nuts- so many growing things in my room that I couldn't walk), he shrugged. "You can do it next year," he said.

Today I'm going to work more on finding a job, will embroider some lovely things (NY Magazine has asked me to embroider some items for an upcoming issue- whoo hoo!), hug on Anevay, take care of some of he logistics of my daily life, and will take some time to work in the garden my building is developing next to my house. 'Cause these are some of the things we people do. I'm just going to work a little harder to enjoy them. As one of my best friends, Courtney, wrote yesterday:

Make it count... Everything you do.

Words to live by, don't you agree?

(above pics by Evy Gonzalez)

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