Joy and pain

This has been one of the hardest years of my life.  Navigating the unemployment system, making ends meet, working my fingers to the bone to complete various projects, and finally finding work (a three-month gig, but it's a good one).  In addition, I lost a good friend a few months ago, have been dealing with some heavy personal stuff that goes back many years, and, most recently, am in the process of feeling quite a lot of heartache, caused by the irresponsible and thoughtless actions of one of my nearest and dearest.  Today, contrary to my busy and productive nature, I stayed in bed all day, exhausted by life- quite forlorn and despondent.  Attractive, I know.  If someone else were writing such pitiful sentences, I'd be liable to groan.

But just when I'm at my worst, life has a way of treating me to a moment of joy...

Those of you closest to me have probably visited my home for dinner or brunch, and have noticed the beautiful lithograph on my wall by artist Emmi Whitehorse.  I looked at it every morning- it gave me a great sense of balance, and in my eyes, it really symbolized the birth of my daughter and then my move to New York.  More than that, it symbolized freedom, my abilities to prevail, to deal with unwarrented abuse, and to love.  The piece meant a great deal.  It was with a heavy heart I sold it recently to a dear friend.  I was beyond hard-up...  I needed a lifeline.  Last weekend I delivered the piece to my friend and installed it for her.  I'd post a picture of what it looks like, but I'm feeling a little too sensitive right now to look through the pictures.   Soon...   The only thing that made me happy about selling the print was that my friend will get joy out of it.

But tonight, something happened... 

I checked my email, and found waiting an email from Emmi Whitehors, offering a print that she had made to benefit the Santa Fe Chamber Music Festival.  Her husband had set up a Google alert for Emmi's name so help track exhibitions and such.  This is how they happened upon my blog. 

Here's what the print looks like, taken from a work called 'Morning Song'.

I can't tell you how touched I am.  It makes me want to send Emmi something.  One of the art works I've made, perhaps?  A little special something?  Just a simple thank you card?  It was hard to express to her via email just how much her print has meant to be each day for the last eight years.  The print she is sending me will by no means replace the loss of my print, 'Drift', but restores at least a small portion of my faith in humanity- something I so desperately needed right now.

It's strange, to be so heart-sick and yet so thankful.