The joys and pains of single parenting

The most difficult thing for me about being a single parent isn't dealing with all the hard times by my lonesome, but rather the fact that there isn't anyone there by my side with whom I can talk over the best moments of my daughter's life.

This month Anevay was voted student of the month, and today she received her report card, which was, as always, stellar. These accomplishments occurred not only because my kid has an affable countenance, but because to the core she is truly concerned about the affect she has on others and the planet. Anevay is much more mature and sweet-tempered than I was at her age, that's for sure! It makes me very happy to see how she interacts with her friends at school, and proud that she both respects and questions her teachers.

The thing is, when Anevay and I are going through a hard time, I (mostly) know how to cope... I call my parents, rely on friends as much as I can, and, even though I'm often 'going it alone' on autopilot, I don't (often) crumble under pressure. I'm tough, man.

Yeah, I'm tough...

But when things are right as rain, when Anevay is happy and I'm able to see all the beautiful ways in which she is growing up, when I can see the hand I've had in raising such a miraculous person, well, those are the times I feel the most fragile... The most lonely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't need some dude in my life. Hell, most of the time I don't want a man in my life! I'm busy trying to start a business (see my store!), complete the rewrite of my novel, and spend time with the coolest little person I know.

And yet...

(Always a yet...)

Today, as I watched Anevay take pride in her accomplishments, listened to her talk about how she wanted to become an even better dancer, and watched her write a story, something tugged at my heart... More than anything- just for a split second- I felt very sad that I didn't have a partner. Friends and family delight in hearing about Anevay's news, but today I really just wanted someone beside me who I could just sit and smile with... No words... Just someone who wanted to bask for a little while in Anevay's light.

Has anyone else had this experience?

The AIPAD Photography show opens tomorrow

The AIPAD Photography Show
March 26 - 29, 2009
Park Avenue Armory, New York

From the description:

"More than 70 of the world's leading fine art photography galleries will present a wide range of museum quality work by contemporary, modern and 19th century masters. Celebrating its 30th anniversary, The AIPAD Photography Show will host “Innovation”, a special exhibition showcasing milestones in the history of photography from daguerreotypes to new media, as well as a number of panel discussions with prominent leaders in the art world."

The Park Avenue Armory is located at 67th Street and Park Ave.

Let me know what your favorite photos are!

Sex Cells- open submission for 3rd Ward show...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Design Mom Giveaway - Chick Chair

Go to this posting on Design Mom by Midnight PST on Wednesday, March 25 to enter the giveaway (sponsored by Mahar Drygoods) to win this cute Roebuck Studio Chick Chair!!

Little Red Riding Hood glass

Last night my roommate, Clare, came home with a Little Red Riding Hood glass for me from Fishs Eddy. Nice gift, huh?!

Hm... something about it reminds me of my 'Hand That Feeds' embroidered canvas (20" round). What d'ya think?

Another man's needlework...

A couple days ago I posted a couple images of Marc Dombrosky's embroidered art pieces. Paige West of Art Addict commented, "Another 'man doing women's needlework' to check out is Nathan Vincent."





Paige was right... Nathan Vincent is amazing. The boxing gloves especially appeal to the kickboxer in me (another subversion of traditional gender roles, huh?!).

Of his own work, Nathan has written:

"Men I have known spent much of their time in the garage with tools getting greasy and doing the heavy duty lawn work. They watched Sunday afternoon football on their recliners with the remote in hand. My uncle was a body builder, which to me was the physical epitome of masculinity. I remember my father getting home from work, propping his briefcase on the bed and removing the paperwork. And, I distinctly remember longing to be tall enough to use the urinal in the men's restroom like the big guys. By crocheting the objects that are linked to these masculine ideas I am breaking down the barrier of traditional gender permissions. The objects are no longer rough and manly, but soft and inviting. They evoke the feminine. The non-traditional sculpting process of crochet allows me to draw attention to the challenges of defining gender identities."

Check out Nathan's site for more info/images.

Can't stop wearing these!

How cute are these little slippers over which I embroidered little gold roses?! I made them over the weekend, and haven't been able to take them off (OK, I'm exaggerating slightly... I have yet to shower with them). Wearing them reminds me of 4th-9th grade, when I wore nothing on my feet except for this type of shoe (OK, again I'm exaggerating... there was that one favorite pair of Keds that had holes in the toes).

Feel free to contact me directly or check my shop for more info/pricing.

If you're in Brooklyn, please stop in at the Brooklyn Collective artisan gallery and check out more of my shoes as well as clothing and bags!

Anevay's Bedford Ave. boxing and J-train knitting...

A couple of years ago, my friend Trisha gave me the red had Anevay's wearing in the pics... A friend of hers made it- I wish I knew what her name was so that I could share it! Cute, huh?

Lichtenstein, the Tweed Building, and a disgruntled security guard...

In 2002 Bloomberg told the media that now that it looked like the Board of Education was about to be moved into the Tweed Courthouse (named after the corrupt NY politician), it was also his goal to also have the famous building house a school. "Do you know why we're going to put a school in the Tweed Courthouse?" he asked. "So that all of the administrators every day get reminded why they have jobs, what they're supposed to focus on. And if every day they see children getting an education, that will remind them when they go upstairs what their mission is.''

Well, Bloomberg might not be my favorite man on the planet, but he did follow through on this one promise...

This is Anevay's second year at the Ross Global Academy, a charter school fueled by Courtney Ross, who also started the Ross School in East Hampton. Despite the fact that I have some problems with the school, I think it is very cool that the Public Art Fund installed Roy Lichtenstein's "Element E" from Five Brushstrokes in the foyer of the building. Mrs. Ross is known for her artistic vision for the school, and Lichtenstein's enormous piece couldn't be more appropriate...

Today I happened to have my camera on me, and so I decided to take a few shots of not only the building, but of Lichtenstein's sculpture.



Imagine my surprise when a security guard approached me, all bluster and vinegar, told me it is not permissible for me to take photos of the sculpture. Then he asked me what I was doing inside the building. Um, first of all, duh! I'm standing there in the middle of a school with my kid standing next to me... It should have been pretty obvious that I was a parent or guardian picking up my daughter! Second of all, whaaat the flock?! I can't take pictures of PUBLIC ART?! The guard kindly mentioned that because the building didn't belong to the school, that I would first have to get permission before I started snapping pics. I was in too much shock to ask, from whom ought I obtain permission?!

Hm... doesn't this seem to defeat the purpose of Lichtenstein's sculpture being placed by the Public Art Fund for the public, if the public isn't allowed to utilize it as a public piece?

I couldn't help but take one more clandestine photo...



When we arrived home, I immediately went to the Public Art Fund website to investigate...

I didn't find many answers, but I'm going to send off a couple of emails and get back to you. I'm not (usually) a rabble-rouser, but this was just a little too much... I want my kid to feel that her school belongs to her, not that she belongs to her school... If she can't utilize the contents of the school, then what is all of it doing there?!

Nadia Dev's paintings

A year or two ago I had the pleasure of meeting Nadia Dev at photography opening for my friend Sebrina Fassbender. Lovely and charming, I was not yet acquainted with Nadia's paintings. After all this time, one of our mutual friends (the fabulously talented, up-and-coming filmmaker, Courtney Webster) showed me images of her paintings on the Sebrof International Gallery website. (Apparently the 12th image is one she painted of Sebrina. Check it out here... unfortunately the gallery website wouldn't let me lift the image to post, so I don't have any pictures to share!).

Let's stimulate the economy by buying stuff on Etsy!

Yesterday the Dow gained nearly 500 points- that's about 7%, people!

Watching the Obama administration try to thaw the nearly frozen market has me thinking that all of us little people could all lend a helping hand by throwing some cash around- not in the direction of the banks (Obama, we'll leave that up to you to figure out), but rather straight into the pockets of small business owners.

So today, my friends, I offer a selection of great Etsy products that share the same theme...

SUCCESS!

Happy stimulating!



These 'Secret to Success' pierced earrings by EarthsOpulence would be perfect for me to wear to a job interview (if my recruiters could even get me a job interview in this current economic climate). I think it is entirely appropriate to mention that EarthsOpulence is a member of the Starving Artists Team on Etsy!



This 'Delicate Malachite Tree of Life or Prosperity Tree Pendant', by glassgoddessjewelry, is gorgeous, isn't it? I love the delicate silver cords. Malachite, according to glassgoddess, "is said to bring money, abundance, prosperity." Bring it on!!



This 8" x 10" art print by Mincing Mockingbird is called 'My Personal Quest Would Have Been Much More Successful Had I Not Gotten Involved." How many times have I had this thought...? Check out the full description of the work here.



This print by Linocutboy says it all. Make sure to check out the rest of his work- I love it all (he would fit in perfectly here in Williamsburg, Brooklyn).

Of course, please help contribute to my own success by visiting my own Etsy shop: www.melifera.etsy.com!

Collaborative effort with baby Anevay

Anevay and I have always enjoyed working collaboratively. The image above is of a canvas the two of us painted together when she was just over a year old. The painting has been hanging in our loft for so long that it has become, in my often unfocused eyes, just a bright patch of wall. It took my new roommate from Spain (Alberto will be joining us ladies at the end of the month) raving about it to make me see it again.

As a toddler, Anevay was always quite proud of herself when I showed people this painting. Oh, how things have changed. For example, whereas Anevay used to run to show me every item she was making, now she often she works on her projects in her bedroom, behind a closed door. I suppose this type of thing will continue as she gets older...

Sigh. It's inevitable, isn't it, that my girl will rely on me less and less as she gets older (or rather, that she will come to rely on me in different ways...).

Off to take my sweet love of a girl to school. I need to remember, especially these chilly mornings when it is hard to roll out of bed, that everything I do with my daughter, even our daily walk to the subway, is a collaborative effort. Let's see if I can help make today's morning walk full of smiles instead of offering my usual grimace against the chilly wind coming off the East River!

Air guitar on Bedford Ave.

Anevay and her friend Willa playing air guitar and dancing on Bedford Ave. I love when Anevay blows a big kiss to the camera!

Thanks, Clare, for yet another great video!

Anevay's pretty spin-dance

Thanks to Clare Hambly for taking this video!

I've sold two of these the last couple of days... Cool, huh?

Go to my store for more information, to see images of other pieces I've embroidered, or to place an order! You might also be able to pick up one of these great sweatshirts at the Brooklyn Collective!

"Tell-all books from the glib and the ordinary"

Christina Zola from Solo Mother writes:

"How much true literature are we reading? Have we reduced our lives to fifteen minutes of fame? With the spate of reality TV, blog soapboxes blaring loud, social networks allowing us to be intimate friends with total strangers, I wonder about quality versus quantity.

What kind of world is out there for our children? What is this social revolution doing to the human race? Will it inspire us to greatness or lose us utterly in the mundane myriad details of everyday life?"

As I work towards completion of my novel, I wonder these sorts of questions on a daily basis....

Thoughts?

Read the full posting here.

Internet etiquette concerning writing about others?

Here's a great quote I just read on Single Mom Seeking's blog:

"Calling a man a deadbeat dad, if in fact he is one, is not badmouthing."

The quote came from a posting called Blogging about your ex. It struck quite a chord with me. For one, I've never been one to badmouth my kid's dad. And I don't think I've ever called him a deadbeat dad. In fact, I try my hardest not to talk about him at all. When I do talk about him, it's to tell a cute story about him, one that will bring a smile to Anevay's face. That's the stuff that is most important to talk about.

But the quote above got me thinking... My kid's dad is a deadbeat dad. Since Anevay and I moved to NY (going on six years ago), he hasn't paid a dime in child support. And this isn't because he's a destitute loser. The man makes a a nice salary, he has beautiful health benefits (one starts calling health benefits beautiful when one no longer has them), he can afford weekend trips and a car, and, most recently, he bought a house with his girlfriend.

No, he's not a destitute loser... only a loser.

I never wanted to be seen as one of those women. You know, the type who brings her man to the cleaners. The one who takes advantage of him.

I think that this is a common feeling that women who have been abused share. The idea that the men we've been with are sick... that they need to be taken care of... that we're stronger than they are... that it is only fair that we let it go... to let them go... to let them shirk their responsibilities and their pasts...

Hey, no one's perfect... I've been mean and manipulative, too. But I like to think that I grew up after the birth of my daughter.

Unfortunately, my desire to take care of this man emotionally (even though he was a mean, manipulative jerk who made me feel just about the size of a pea) meant that when it came to paying for hefty doctor bills from a couple of hospital visits when Anevay was an infant, I got stuck with the tab (stuck isn't the right word... I would give my life for my kid... it's just too bad that in the richest country in the world people can be driven into the hole by hospital bills).

Oh, Anevay's dad tried to make it up to me. In fact, soon after Anevay and I moved from Wisconsin to New York (before Anevay turned two... she's now going on eight), her dad "helped us out" (his words) with a check for $200. Unfortunately, he quickly emailed me and asked that I not cash the check. I still have the check in a folder (right in front of all the terrible, abusive emails and notes he wrote to me). He never gave me a check again. Said that I had stolen his daughter from him, and that since he didn't see her, he wasn't paying for her. Poor guy... he never knew what he had in her, did he?

Sigh...

A couple of years ago, friends convinced me to take A to court for child support. What an emotional nightmare. After the preliminary steps, I decided not to proceed. When it came down to it, I didn't want a dime from that man. After all the heartache and the abuse, I realized that I have an amazing kid who doesn't need a thing from her dad. We were in NY, where I was following a dream, living amongst friends... My parents, sweet souls that they are, have, at various times, picked up the financial pieces that he ought to have. They do it out of love. Love for me, love for their granddaughter.

Would I have fought harder for child support had Anevay's dad had her wellbeing in mind? Yep. And you know, I hope that someday he figures out how to be a man... or, better yet, I hope that he learns how to be a loving human being. Perhaps someday, when Anevay is older, she might be able to teach him?

No, I don't bad talk Anevay's dad (even though he's a deadbeat, through and through). I don't say anything that isn't true, and I also don't say most of the things about him that are.

A strange thing, writing these things on a blog. 'Blogging about your ex', indeed! Make sure to go to the full posting on Single Mom Seeking and then let me know your thoughts on Internet etiquette!

Deadline reminder for all of you crafty Renegade Brooklyn-folk!

Six hours later, and Anevay's room is sorta kinda tidy...

One look at the dried snot all over my daughter's nose and hands this morning, and I decided it best to keep her germy, contagious little self home from school.

Once upon a time, when I worked a 40 hour work week and was allowed only 5 sick days a year, being sick wasn't a luxury Anevay and I could afford. I sent my kid to school with her nose dripping to her toes, with headaches, even the occasional fever. 'Cause that's what we do in this country. We persevere, right?

Wrong...

We live miserable lives in which our jobs dictate how much time we have to be sick, how much time we're allowed to take care of our babies, how much time, even, we have allotted to die.

Anyway, all of that ended for me as soon as I was laid off. Now, when Anevay has a cold, she stays where she belongs... with me, being cared for, being loved. I make sure she drinks her fluids, sleeps, washes her hands, and even takes walks outside in the fresh air- just about the best place for a person to be sick.

Today, however, no walks for us. Anevay's sick, but not that sick... I decided we were going to clean her room (I know, I know, cruel, huh?).

Six hours after we started, and we're *sort of* finished.

A little background concerning why this might have taken so long...

Again, this pertains directly to having been laid off back in September...

Right before being laid off my time didn't belong to me. I had my 40-hour per week job, forced myself to write for at least 15-20 hours a week, and both Anevay and I had active social lives. Yet taking care of Anevay and the loft we live in was easier than one might imagine. To get everything done that needed doing, I simply regimented our lives- for example- between 6 and 7 PM Anevay did her homework at the kitchen table while I cooked our dinner. Saturday mornings, between 9 and 11 AM, my sweet little girl cleaned her room while I did our laundry and cleaned the bathroom. And on and on and on...

Since being laid off, I have no schedule at all save taking Anevay to school and picking her up, and, amazingly, I can't seem to find a moment for cleaning, grocery shopping, even cooking.

Before you wag your finger at me, consider this... I've been working since I was 15 years old, and besides a three-month period right after Anevay was born, I have never had a sabbatical to work on myself, my projects, my anything. Besides the occasional week long vacation (would you believe that in my adult life I had never taken a vacation longer than a week before this past Christmas, when Anevay and I spent two weeks at my parents' place!), this is really the first respite I've had since I was a little girl.

I am taking back my life, damn it! I'm using every single second to do the things I want to be doing. I'm writing, working on my canvases, taking walks and reading with and talking with Anevay, and enjoying, at times, a latte at my favorite cafe (Oslo, on Bedford Ave here in Brooklyn). In fact, I'm busier now than when I was working a full-time job (and believe me, even then I was busier than most people!), and I work harder than many people I know (and I know a lot of hard workers).

But alas, many things have fallen through the cracks since I was laid off. Yesterday Anevay had her first bath in... well, let's just say many days (oh my God, was it really five days?!). And the state of her room? Hm. I think it had been a good two months since I poked my head in there. Occasionally, all the crap she kept inside her room would push the door ajar, but I just sighed, turned a blind eye, and used all the weight of my body to force it closed again (I've done the same thing to Anevay's closet door, but that's a can of worms that just isn't ready to be opened yet...).

Yep, her room needed to be sorted through, cleaned, decontaminated...

I'm so glad I don't have a 'before' picture, only an 'after' picture. I would have had child protection services after me if anyone had seen the previous state of Anevay's room.

Many hours and buckets of tears later (from both of us), the room is *sort of* clean. I have a pile of garbage by the door to take outside, two bags of old toys to bring to the park and the Salvation Army, and her electric piano to hook up (we had both forgotten it was even in her room, there was so much stuff was piled up around it!). And this was just from the downstairs of her room...

Yes, Anevay has a loft, which is very cute and treehouse-like when it is clean...

...and something straight out of a Grimm's tale when it is dirty.

But, being the amazing kid she is, Anevay single handedly picked up her loft and made her bed. It's not perfect, but I'm just happy it looks like a bed again.

Of course, I didn't look under her blanket to see what might be hiding out, but you know what? I don't have time for all of that...



So now that the room is (sort of) clean, what next? Well, heck... it's time for us to go work on some of the more important things in life....

I do believe I hear Oslo calling me and Anevay over for a latte and a hot chocolate.

Maybe I'll manage to take our garbage out on the way...

xo

Dirty art

I just read about Scott Wade's windshield art on FREEwilliamsburg. Check out the site for the full story, or go to Scott's website for more images...

Studio Bilanko Photography

Lauren, a pal of mine here in the 'hood, throws great parties, but more importantly, she takes beautiful photos... Currently Lauren is updating her website. Check it out to look at more of her images. She'll soon be adding work from her fashion series 'Triad: a clone story'.

The images above satisfy my recent leanings towards both birds and blood...

Being and Nothingness

I'm not a huge Sartre fan, and yet he supplied me with one of my all-time favorite quotes:

"We are all condemned to freedom."

I modified it just a bit for this t-shirt I embroidered last night (go to my shop for pricing or feel free to contact me directly):


Great, huh? Seems particularly relevant these days, considering all of the ways I've worked to take back my life (interesting how much easier it is to take control of one's life after it is spun wildly off kilter) .

Love this old shot of Anevay as an infant sitting with Sartre's Being and Nothingness...

Bloody things in Brooklyn

Here in Brooklyn, springtime brings out the bloody best in people...

This past Saturday a sake Bloody Mary from Supercore (on Bedford Ave., right here in Williamsburg) was the perfect hangover cure. The pigeon/baby art project I found on the street, however, didn't necessarily serve to cure anything but a case of 'the ordinaries'.

Wanna sleep in the New Museum?

Saw this posted on the terrific Art News blog:

"If you like sleeping and like art the New Museum of Contemporary Art in New York is looking for you. You also have to be female, be between the ages of 18 and 40, and be prepared to take a sleeping pill before your performance.


The sleeping women are an installation by the contemporary Chinese artist Chu Yun. Yun will be showing at the New Museum's "The Generational: Younger Than Jesus" exhibition of emerging artists, from April 7 to June 28."

Any of you ladies out there want to sleep in a museum? Contact the New Museum for more info.

Make sure to check out the Art News blog for the full story.

Ugly Duckling Presse

Nice little write up about Ugly Duckling Press, which is located right here in Brooklyn.

"Ugly Duckling Presse, a publishing collective specializing in experimental poetry and new editions of forgotten textual artists, produces lovely, cheeky books by authors you’ve probably never heard of but your grandchildren will likely read in college. Operating in a former can factory in Gowanus, an industrial neighborhood in Brooklyn, the little press house has turned one of the more barren locations in the city into the preeminent nesting ground for swans of the avant-garde poetry scene."

See here for the full article.

Men embroider, too...

OK, so although embroidery is traditionally a woman's 'craft', there are a few great men out there who take up their needles like pens...

Marc Dombrosky is a Tacoma artist who has, most recently, embroidered over cardboard placards he found discarded in the bushes, left behind, most likely, by panhandlers. I'm looking forward to seeing where he takes all of this.

Check out this story about Marc and his work. Also, look at his blog for more info.

Les yeux sans visage...

Anyone else remember Billy Idol's song, 'Eyes without a face'?

A friend of mine bought this bag from me and gave it as a gift to a big Idol fan (yes, there still are some Billy Idol fans out there!). Apparently it was a big hit...

Embroidery over metal...

Whilst looking at a great blog called Craftzine I came across an amazing image of a silver platter that was laid over with embroidery by Lynette Andreasen. Be still my heart!



Check out Craftzine for the full posting:

www.blog.craftzine.com

Or go directly to Lynette's blog for more info about her work:

www.lynetteandreasen.blogspot.com

Growing pains

The image of the little girl on this canvas I have up at the Brooklyn Collective was inspired by the work of quilters who used to embroider sweet little boys and girls onto their quilting squares... The slightly macabre trails of blood that pool beneath the little girl's feet, however, as well as the tender, worried look that crosses her face, was most resoundedly not inspired by quilters and their work.

My daughter, Anevay, is only seven, but already she takes a healthy interest in her body, both as it stands now, and how it will change as she gets older. I think a lot about how to present the world to my little girl. So far, when she asks me questions, I just answer honestly. It seems to take the worry and the fear out of the unknown, and leaves Anevay with an understanding of herself that many little girls don't seem to have.

Visit the Brooklyn Collective to see more of my embroideries (196 Columbia Street, Brooklyn), or the website for more info on pricing:

www.brooklyncollective.com

This makes me smile...

My 7 year old daughter, Anevay, is in love with Elvis, and has been since she was 3. Our loft is overflowing with Elvis books, DVDs (Anevay knows Elvis songs that I don't even think Elvis knew), and Pez containers. We certainly have done our part in contributing to the continuing success of Elvis' estate. Anevay even has Elvis and Priscilla Barbie dolls!

Today, as poor Anevay sits nursing a cold, I've tried hard to come up with ways in which to entertain her. The following image got a smile out of her! Sorry it's so blurry, but I had my friend Geoff send it to me from his phone...

Bovey Lee's impossibly intricate paper cut-outs as seen on Design Sponge

Oh. My. God. I have never seen anything like this before. How did she do it?! Check out the posting where I first found out about Bovey Lee's designs on Design Sponge:

www.designspongeonline.com

Lee was born in Hong Kong. Her paper cutouts, according to her website (www.boveylee.netfirms.com), "seek to preserve, promote, and extend an ancient Chinese folk art through intervention by adding personal and contemporary elements that have not been used in the traditional craft before."

Her work has been shown all over the place... I'll definitely make it a point to follow her career!

Ferm's feather wallpaper has my full attention...

How gorgeous is this feather wallpaper by ferm LIVING? Oh, if I were not an unemployed entrepreneur I would be all over making a wallpaper purchase... Check out the full posting on their blog:

http://fermliving.blogspot.com/2009/03/heaven-in-helmel.html

Volkswagen mania

Guten Morgen to all you lovers of VW Bugs! One of my 'bug' shirts was given a shout-out on the following fantastic blog: www.peppermags.com

Scroll down on the peppermag blog to March 20th to see the write-up under the title 'Etsy Lunch Hour: VW!!'...

You give love a bad name...

Late nights, unemployment and a break-up has inspired me in all sorts of new and exciting ways... Unfortunately, this means a somewhat baroque pastiche of images, such as a deer shot through the heart (once upon a time I lived in Wisconsin, where it is common to see deer strapped to the roofs of cars), a Brooklyn street sign (Bedford Ave and Grand Street), and the Bon Jovi lyrics, 'You give love a bad name'...