Found art

What does this look like to you? 

Green Market

Clare, Anevay and I took a walk to the green market in our 'hood.  I'm feeling a bit under the weather- backache and headache due to the rain, and my damn wrist is giving me grief- the walk helped- I love seeing all the colors at the market...

I picked up a ton of apples- some big green heirlooms and a bag of galas for drying.

The peppers arranged in pretty bunches gave me an idea of what to do with my dying pepper plant at home...

Seeing the above makes me want to get out of the city to search out bittersweet, which reminds me of when I was a little girl.  Whenever we took a family drive and saw it by the roadside in Rhode Island, we'd stop for my mom to take a cutting.  So pretty.

Now, instead of bitching about my various aches and pains, I'm going to dry fruit, clean Anevay's room, and spend the night writing.  I'm in great need of a day like this.

[insert happy sigh, here]

Top 40 songs that make the 'sound'

 

Yay to all my pals and fave bands that made it onto this NY Magazine list for the Top 40 Soungs That Define the Sound!  Shannon's latest project, Light Asylum (pic of Shannon, above), comes in at number 40, and it just builds momentum...  Oakley Hall, Japanther,  Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson (he's playing at the Bell House soon...  wanna go?), The National, and TV on the Radio, are just a few of the bands that were recognized.

Small rant

Sleepy is not the word for what I feel this evening...

I've been waking up at 5 to write a bit before then waking my sweet girl, getting her ready for school, and trekking first to the Lower East Side then up to Midtown.

I hope you won't find me unappreciative, but working again in Midtown- such a strange, soul-less place- makes me a little sad.  Oh, it's not all terrible- today I took a walk outside to search out smiling faces, and found a few in an Indian vendor-truck.  These three gentlemen were so smiley, in fact, that I felt obliged to order lunch from them.  Lesson of the day: Do NOT ask for extra spice over your Indian food unless you have a death-wish.  In addition to the typical red hot sauce, I was offered, by the eldest of the three men, if I would like to try something *really* spicy?"  Um, sounded like a dare to me.  Feathers slightly ruffled, I responded with a resounded, "YES, PLEASE!"  Wow.  That was some fierce sauce...  Great thing is, the stuff seemed to completely rid me of a little cold I've had.

Anyway- I'm now on week two of a month-long temp job.  This past year, although stressful on many fronts (job search, finances), was wonderful.  I loved my freelance jobs and spending time with Anevay.  I only wish I could have spent more time on the book and less time on the job hunt.  Soon, I'll be back in the same boat I was for the past year.

After having been laid off last year, I had at first the terrible thought that it was in some way my doing.  But now, I've resigned myself to the fact that I am just in the same boat as so many other deserving people.  It's not my fault.  Besides, should any of you remember correctly, I was by no means in love with the sort of work I was doing.

Last night, for the first time in over a year, I passed on two jobs- both were embroidery gigs.  One was just another event in Greenwich (too much on my plate right now to try to hustle to be there); the other was for a birthday party.

I'm feeling the need to simplify- job search, Anevay, and finishing the book.  Easier said than done- there are always 10,000 other things holding my attention.

Now, I'm off to sleep...

Bittersweet

This past Sat night/early Sunday morning, Williamsburg drummer Jerry Fuchs fell to his death in an elevator shaft a bloack from my place.  He was 34.  Although Jerry was a friend to many of my pals, I didn't know him outside of listening to his music.  Yet I feel sad all the same- for someone my age dying so unexpectedly, and the thoughts of what his parents must be going through.  It also stirs up thoughts of Carlos' death, still so fresh, as well as the loss of Don to so many of my west coast friends.

I hope Jerry's friends and family are able to find comfort as they come together these next many difficult days.

I'm so happy, friends, to be on this wonderful planet with you all.  I cherish each of you.  I count my blessings every day.  My bank account might be ailing, but my experiences, friendships and love make me rich. 

God, to be young, half-way intelligent, and full of energy.  What a gift we're all given, for each day we have it!

Perfect Day

What a fantastic weekend.  Friday evening I met Kiki and Dan for dinner at Dokebi (Korean- so tasty), then shared a beer before heading over to Cheyenne's birthday party.  I danced non-stop from 10-3:30, at which point I went home.  Yesterday I was a bit sleepy, but like the trooper I am, went to breakfast before spending the afternoon being somewhat lazy with Anevay and catching up on some housework. 

Today I woke at 6 from a strange dream about Carlos- it was sweet and nice, and I didn't feel sad, just thankful to be alive and happy to have such a wonderful day ahead of me.  Anevay and I threw on some clothes and ran around for a bit outside, and then came home to prepared for brunch.  Some of the gang came over- each of them had something tasty to contribute, and after an incredibly long spell eating and talking around the dining room table, we caught the sunset on a walk over the Williamsburg Bridge.  It was a relaxing, reflective day- exactly what I needed.

Started making plans for Santacon (look at the website and you'll get an idea of the sort of fun this will be), as well as a somewhat debaucherous party mid-December that may or may not be at my place. Autumn is a strange time of year, and so I want to spend it with a healthy mix of social fun and quiet-time working on the book at home.  Oh, what I wouldn't give for a fireplace...  Perhaps someday?  Until then, I can dream, and will be perfectly happy finding the restaurants/bars in NY that have comfortable chairs and roaring fires (I'm not talking gas fires, either- I want sparks, burning logs, the smell of wood).

All this talk of fires makes me think of my parents' place- it's so nice to be there during the cold months to enjoy Irish coffees whilst sitting around their fireplace.  Sigh... 

This Thanksgiving I plan on being with my family outside of NY, but *think* I might stick around here for Christmas.  Anyone else going to be around?  Wondering if I should plan something festive?

Now, off to put my girl to bed, and then I plan on writing for a couple of hours before I fall asleep.  Wonder what strange dreams I'll have tonight? 

Feeling good

Last night was Halloween.  Contrary to every other year of my life, I decided to stay in.  No, this wasn't because I hadn't secured a babysitter (I had), but rather, from a strong desire to be with the person I love best: Anevay. 

Two nights ago, Anevay and I went with friends to the City Reliquary  for a Halloween party put on by our friends Stephen and Christina.  Besides having games for the kids/beers for the grown-ups, they put on a small production of Poe's 'Cask of Amantillado', which Anevay and her friend Alameda declared was "creepy but not scary."  Apparently, on the day before a Halloween that falls on a Saturday, most people don't get dressed up.  Oh well.  I had on full cat make-up, and Anevay was Laura Ingalls.

Yesterday we went trick-or-treating with friends (Laura Ingalls was still around, but the cat decided to stay home), then came back home, cooked a nice dinner, curled up in front of a scary movie, then went to sleep.  It was the most perfect Halloween I've ever had. 

This morning I took a look at Facebook and saw all of the drunken posts from 3 and 4 and even 7 in the morning, and thanked myself for staying in last night.  And now, showered, dressed and ready to go, I'll walk a block away to cheer on the runners in the NY Marathon.  This year I know a handful of friends who will be running, as well as an awfully dreamy man who might give me a wave as he runs by.   Maybe I should have saved the cat costume for today...  Meow!

We are all Buddhas

Yesterday, Anevay and I took a wonderful walk and then stopped at our neighborhood meat market (the amazing Marlow & Daughters) to pick up an impromptu dinner.  We waited 25 minutes for the butcher to hack apart a sheep, and came home with some beautiful lambchops (holy SHIT did they taste good).

Anevay and I decided to share this sort of luxurious, slow meal at least once every other week.  I know, that doesn't seem very often, but we're busy girls!!  I feel lucky to have the time we do have.

Condemned to freedom

After a strange many months of feeling somewhat sorry for myself, I've snapped out of it.  Snapped, I suppose, isn't the right word, as my departure from depression was very conscious. 

What was I upset about to begin with?  I felt cursed- homeless, in a way.  I no longer felt as though I belonged to NY- I was, except for freelance and the book, unemployed.  I felt this pressure to be somewhere else- someone else.  I watched married friends and wondered if I had missed my chances for happiness.  I was down on myself for not yet having finished the book.  I thought I was a loser for still needing roommates.  I let myself get wrapped up with people who gave me next to nothing (despite me being there for them). 

A couple of days ago, my attitude shifted.  I wrote down the things that were troubling me, and saw that they're not as bad as I had thought.  I've had a year to devote to my kid, to my writing, to figuring out what's important.  I've come up with answers.  I know exactly what I want.  A year ago I wasn't so sure. 

I start a three-month full-time gig on Monday.  Not my dream job, but not a bad job, either.  I'm hoping it leads to other situations.  I've been told the prospects of this happening are good.

I am nearly done with the book.  I know I will finish it.  I am excited to have other projects in various states of completion, ready to work on when I've passed along the book for the final time.  I'm entering chapters into various contests.  Two days ago I made out a time table for when everything needs to be sent off.  It felt good. 

I examined the relationships around me, and realized that most of them aren't my cup of tea.  I'm pretty independent.  I can't deal with the bitchy words many couples share.  Seeing it happen grates on me- I feel embarrassed when occasionally I see friends fall into this behavior.  Lately, I was acting slightly like this- not in a relationship, but in a friendship that had become complicated.  I had been hurt by this friend, you see, and instead of giving myself space from the situation and then taking control of it, I let myself get so wrapped up in it that I made myself miserable.  I've since removed the complications, and, voila, I'm not feeling weird or bitchy at all.  I'm feeling like...  myself. 

Today, I count my blessings.  I have two amazing roommates- they care for me and my kid- it is clear.  I have a beautiful family.  I'm not homeless.  The things that were making me think this thought are out of my control, so I need to let them go.  I have a home.  I AM my home.  My body, as they say, is a temple.  I will treat it as such.  And my mind is a gift.  I will love it- I will cherish the freedom I feel when I use my imagination.  Sartre once said, "you are condemned to freedom."  Ha! 

Thank God.

Living in Williamsburg, it's easy to forget I'm by the ocean.  Yesterday, a trip to Staten Island reminded me of how happy being on the water makes me. 

Farmers Market + Cooking

On Saturday Anevay, Clare and I went to the Farmers Market and picked up a beautiful array of vegetables- I then went to Marlow and Daughters and bought a couple of chickens.  I spent the afternoon making chicken stock, roast chicken, stuffed acorn squash, and, on Sunday morning, polenta with maple syrup and marscapone cheese.

Heaven.  What a wonderful way to relax...

Portabella Stuffed Acorn Squash

For the stuffing:

24 ounces multigrain bread, cubed
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 medium onion, diced
1 medium carrots, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
2 medium portabella mushrooms, diced
1/4 cup pecan pieces
1 1/2 teaspoon herbs/spices of your choice (I used thyme, rosemary, celery salt and cumin)
1/4 cup parsley, minced
1 cup water or veg broth (I used some of the chicken stock I had made...  even better!)
1/2 teaspoon blk pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt (I used course)

1. Dry bread on cookie sheet for 20-30 min, uncovered, at 250
2. Heat olive oil/butter in large saute pan.  Add carrots, celery and onion, saute over med heat for 3 min, until lightly caramelized.  Add mushrooms, pecans and herbs/spices, continue to saute for 2 min.  Add parsley and transfer to large mixing bowl, then add bread-cubes, and mix well with water/broth.  Let sit for 30 min until bread absorbs all liquid and stuffing appears fluffy.  Season with salt/pepper.  Set aside.

For the squash:

4 med acorn squash, halved, with seeds removed (save seeds, as I did, for roasting!!)
1 cup water
1/4 cup OJ
2 or 3 teaspoons tamari
1 tablespoon honey
juice of a lemon
pepper

1. Preheat oven to 375.  Place squash halves cut-side down on cookie sheet lined with foil.  Add 1/2 cup or so of water and bake for 50 minutes, until nearly tender.
2. Combine OJ, tamari, honey, lemon juice and pepper.  Mix well and set aside.  Place squash cavity-side-up in a roasting pan.  Brush generously with the glaze.  Fill cavity of each squash with stuffing- really pack it in there!
3. Pour 1/2 cup water into the pan and bake for 30 min, until squash is lightly browned and stuffing is thoroughly heated.

HOLY CRAP is this squash good...  ENJOY!

Squash seeds:

Rinse under cold water extremely well.  Mix with a bit of olive oil, curry powder, cumin, pepper, course salt, and bake at 350 until you hear them gently pop.  I tend to leave them a few minutes longer, as I like them to be a little burned...

Oh, if anyone is interested in my chicken stock recipe, let me know...  It's a little more time intensive than the recipes above, which is why I didn't include it.

The Mimi & Flo Show

My pals Frances and Jeff are once again taking their project, The Mimi & Flo Show, to Comix Comedy Club.  Check out my brief write-up for show details, here.

Growing up...

Full Moon

I took this picture of the full harvest moon about 7:30 in the morning on October 5th.  Where has this strange autumn month gone?!  

Will Oldham singing R. Kelly

If you like Will Oldham, you'll love this R. Kelly cover.  What a riot.  Click here to listen.  Have fun.

BYOP party

Last night was awesome.  Evy invited me to her place for a BYOP (Bring Your Own Pumpkin) party, and I had so much fun.  I needed a great night...  Today, I feel like myself again- powerful and wonderful and ready to take on the world. 

(In case you're curious, Anevay and I carved the spider pumpkin...  You can't really tell from the picture, but I also carved a man with a moustache.  Tis the season for facial hair!)

Joy and pain

This has been one of the hardest years of my life.  Navigating the unemployment system, making ends meet, working my fingers to the bone to complete various projects, and finally finding work (a three-month gig, but it's a good one).  In addition, I lost a good friend a few months ago, have been dealing with some heavy personal stuff that goes back many years, and, most recently, am in the process of feeling quite a lot of heartache, caused by the irresponsible and thoughtless actions of one of my nearest and dearest.  Today, contrary to my busy and productive nature, I stayed in bed all day, exhausted by life- quite forlorn and despondent.  Attractive, I know.  If someone else were writing such pitiful sentences, I'd be liable to groan.

But just when I'm at my worst, life has a way of treating me to a moment of joy...

Those of you closest to me have probably visited my home for dinner or brunch, and have noticed the beautiful lithograph on my wall by artist Emmi Whitehorse.  I looked at it every morning- it gave me a great sense of balance, and in my eyes, it really symbolized the birth of my daughter and then my move to New York.  More than that, it symbolized freedom, my abilities to prevail, to deal with unwarrented abuse, and to love.  The piece meant a great deal.  It was with a heavy heart I sold it recently to a dear friend.  I was beyond hard-up...  I needed a lifeline.  Last weekend I delivered the piece to my friend and installed it for her.  I'd post a picture of what it looks like, but I'm feeling a little too sensitive right now to look through the pictures.   Soon...   The only thing that made me happy about selling the print was that my friend will get joy out of it.

But tonight, something happened... 

I checked my email, and found waiting an email from Emmi Whitehors, offering a print that she had made to benefit the Santa Fe Chamber Music Festival.  Her husband had set up a Google alert for Emmi's name so help track exhibitions and such.  This is how they happened upon my blog. 

Here's what the print looks like, taken from a work called 'Morning Song'.

I can't tell you how touched I am.  It makes me want to send Emmi something.  One of the art works I've made, perhaps?  A little special something?  Just a simple thank you card?  It was hard to express to her via email just how much her print has meant to be each day for the last eight years.  The print she is sending me will by no means replace the loss of my print, 'Drift', but restores at least a small portion of my faith in humanity- something I so desperately needed right now.

It's strange, to be so heart-sick and yet so thankful. 

Bovey Lee and missing my Emmi Whitehorse

Well, people, last weekend it was finally time to bid adieu to my Emmi Whitehorse print.  I cried for the week prior to taking it out of my house, but am happy that it's now hanging on the wall of a dear friend.  Perhaps I'll have it on my wall again at some point in the future.  I hope so, as the piece means a great deal to me.  I never thought I'd see it gone, but this was a tough summer, and I needed to let go of some of my things.  Sigh.  No one said being a single mom in NY sans child support would be easy, especially after being laid off from a job.  But life has a funny way of moving forward.
Things have been looking up.  The beginning of November I start a three-month job- and other opportunities have been surfacing.  I realized lately that I was quite depressed this past year (in a not so obvious way to outsiders, perhaps, but depressed none-the-less), and am taking the next couple of weeks to get things together before starting the position.  I'm still diligently looking for full-time perm work, but I'm so thankful for this upcoming opportunity.  I'm also FINALLY working to finish my book.  Finally, I'm totally overhauling my loft.  I've taken the last two days to clean out closets and my room, and am going to tackle Anevay's room.  My place was a disaster this past year (yes, I wrote year).  Cleaning seemed impossible with everything else going on.  Now I'm feeling orderly once again, and want my environment to reflect this.  I have a lot of work left to accomplish.

Anyway, even though my life is slowly coming together, my Emmi Whitehorse print is still gone.  I find myself looking at all sorts of pretty things on-line- today artist Bovey Lee send me info about a limited edition paper cut-out she's made...

Her work is amazing, but usually pretty pricey- if you have a little extra, I would highly advise you to purchase one of her more affordable, $500 cut-outs.  It would be a great investment- she's a great artist, up-and-coming, with beautiful work.  Check out Bovey Lee's website for more info.

Naughty Knitting

I am SO getting this book.  Now that autumn is full-on, I've dragged my knitting bags out, and have various projects left from last winter that I'm trying to finish.  I think this book will make me add a new one...

Not only does the book have fabulously fun patterns, but the website has a list of free patterns!  Yep, FREE!  If you're over knitting scarfs for everyone in your family, how about a tassled G-string?  

By land or by sea

Williamsburg burial site?

Oh dear!

Designs for dolls, houses, and feet

Anevay's been designing all manner of things. Above, a dress for a barbie. Below, um, foot binding?



Above, curtains, clothing, bedding.

Flattery will get you everywhere

She even loves my new shoes! Girl knows how to treat her PMSing mom...

DJ Ian Head's October Mixtape - Good Ol' Soul (for Carlos)

Click here to read Ian's touching liner notes and listen to an AWESOME 'mixtape'. My kid had a sleepover last night, and this morning the three of us are dancing around to great tunes such as The Miracles 'I Like it Like That', Shirley Collins 'The Clapping Song', Rufus Thomas' 'Turn Your Damper Down', and Archie Bell's 'Tighten Up'.

(insert happy sigh, here)

Thanks, Ian.

By the way- Carlos used to volunteer at a program Ian used to head. The program helps to send legal info to prisoners. Perhaps you might be interested in checking out the website, and volunteering some of your time to helping with a program Carlos held dear?

Sleepover!

The girls were apparently very excited all day at school before I picked them up...

Yet the week had clearly wiped them out. How sweet are they, cuddling together on the couch?!